Last night I was at a local bar and was talking to some friends in the DJ booth. As we were talking, the guys start talking about this one girl they noticed in the bar. They began talking about how she was the hottest girl in the place and slightly more detailed things that guys have a tendency  of saying when talking to other guys about girls they will never talk to. 

They weren’t joking either. This blonde was wearing a short gold dress that hugged her body just right to show off all of her wonderful curves and had an angelic face that complimented her body perfectly. She was definitely using her god given gifts to get the attention of every guy in the place. 

Now the guys were aware of my blog and  started challenging me with “come on, let’s see what you’ve got” and “you say all of this stuff, why don’t you prove it”. Well… I’m never one to back away from a challenge. The DJ tried giving me advice and said “I’ve got the perfect line. Go up to her and say, it’s a beautiful night because you’re here “.

Now if you’re a DJ, or someone with high social status like Brad Pitt, or you’re in a mode of super confidence and energy, then this line may work for you… hell, any line would at that point. I however, had none of those things going for me at this time. 

She was with 3 other girls, 2 other cute girls and one not so much. I walk downstairs and up to the group with a nice loud, “Hey guys”, with great tone, body language, confidence, and energy. (I really can’t stress this enough) “I need your help with something. My friends up there”, motioning to the DJ booth, “were trying to figure something out. We have this female friend and we can’t tell if she’s a lesbian or not. Do you guys have any female things we can look for to know for sure?” 

The girls didn’t really have any advice on this one and it didn’t matter. They were all engaged in conversation. We talked about the subject for a bit and I made sure to address them all equally. Some things that naturally popped up were: “well, with a guy it’s easy to tell. If he’s eating soup and says that the soup tastes just like semen, he’s probably gay”. They got a laugh out of that line. The blonde asked if our friend was sleeping with any other guys and I said no, to which she concluded that she’s probably gay. I took this as the perfect opportunity to give her some shit. I teased that, in her mind, if a girl wasn’t hooking up a-lot, then she’s gay and that I loved how much that said about her. Her friends all laughed again and I started talking to the blonde exclusively.

I quickly changed subjects before it got boring and told her that she had to be from the midwest. She started saying how I had some psychic powers and that I should tell her some more about herself. Instead of doing what she said and trying to show off like any other guy would, I turned it on her and told her to try and guess some things about me. 

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At this point she was clearly interested. She had removed herself from her friends to talk to me exclusively, her body language was directed right at me, and she laughed at things I said even if they weren’t that funny. I then began asking her questions about herself to let her know that I don’t  just go for any girl. When she said something that I was into, like the fact that she was an accomplished sailor, I showed interest in her to let her know she was winning me over. 

After a little more of this I said to her, “I’ll tell you what, you seem pretty funny. If you can tell me a joke that makes me laugh I will buy you a shot”. She went on to say, like most girls, that she doesn’t know any good jokes. I then took a risk and said that I was going to talk to some friends at the bar and when she thought of one she could come tell me.

So I walked up to the bar and started making conversation with some randoms. As this was happening, I noticed that she had re-mingled with her friends and didn’t appear to be rushing to the bar to tell me a joke.

Now my risk paid off and it didn’t. On one hand, I was really testing her to see if she’d come to the bar to impress me with a joke. Although she didn’t do that, my risk at least established that I had other things to do than talk to her, that it didn’t really matter to me whether I was talking to her or not, and that I would  ask her to do things that other guys she just met wouldn’t dream of. I was different.

A couple minutes later her and a couple friends came up to the bar. Was I just going to let it go? Did I mention I liked a challenge? I started back at the beginning and opened the group with a good conversation starter. My friend at OSU just sent me a sassy text about how she had just hung out with Jim Tressell. Now, in Ann Arbor this posed the obvious question: should I ever talk to her again?

The girls were once again engaged in conversation and I once again was able to get a one on one with my target. “So, what’s the joke?” I asked. She replied, “I’ll tell you what. I’m going to give a joke from a movie and if you guess what movie it’s from, I’ll let you buy me a shot.”

Quick tip, whenever a girl says the phrase, “I’ll let you buy me a shot”, Start laughing immediately. I did this and responded that she wasn’t going to “let” me do anything. Beautiful women like to test guys to see if they’ll do their bidding just like every other guy. Don’t do this.

I reconstructed the deal to be that if I could name the movie, she’d have to buy me a shot, but if I couldn’t, then I’d buy her one. She told the tomato joke from Pulp Fiction only she did a great job of messing the joke up. After teasing her for this I named the movie and “let” her buy the shot… tequila. 

Of course you can’t lick the salt off of yourself when doing a tequila shot right? 

After the shot I told her about this VIP party I was throwing and how I would love to have her there so we exchanged numbers. I named her “Laura lame joke” in my phone and made her come up with an equally creative name for me.

After that, I chatted with her for a couple more minutes and got some very strong kino and eye contact going before excusing myself to re-join friends. 

The guys in the DJ booth, who were watching the whole time, are now looking forward to a workshop.

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