February 2008


Just writing to let everyone know that I will be out of town until next weekend and won’t be updating with any new posts.

The good news is that I’ll be sure to return with a slew of very fresh stuff to post and in the meantime, I created a “best of” roll in the sidebar so you can check out anything you may have missed. I was debating on whether to base the list on hotness of girls pictured or actual content and finally settled on content. (Apologies to some)

 I’ll also try to check my email as much as possible so still feel free to shoot me any questions or comments.

So be that guy, be the center of everything that’s happening, and go out there and catch that beautiful butterfly. 

Have a great week!

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It’s good to be the guy who knows everyone. Good to be that guy who walks into a place and seems to own it. One guy who is always good to know is the bartender. When you walk up to a crowded bar and get your drinks immediately and chat with the guy serving them it’s much easier to open a conversation with the cute girl who is still waiting.

So how do you establish this type of rapport with such a prestigious person? As a former bartender I have some words to share on getting in good with the man who will help you be that much more VIP, and thus that much more attractive to the opposite sex.

The best way to become a familiar face is to pick out whichever bar you want to be known at and start frequenting it during the less than busy times. Go in on a weekday when you’d be one of the only people at the bar and start doing this regularly.

Start with some small talk and also when he or she asks you what you want, ask what their specialty is. Bartenders love it when you treat them like an expert.

It’s also good to have a regular drink. Often, he won’t remember your name but he will remember your face and if you have a drink tied to that face even better. Plus, when it’s busy, you’ll often get a drink handed to you without even asking.

On those slow days, introduce yourself to the bartender, and remember his name. Saying, “Hey Jimmy, good to see you again” goes a long way. Of course tipping well goes without saying.

Another thing bartenders love is that when the bar is busy and someone orders something, just say, “can you make that two?” It’s easy to make a 2nd of something if he’s already making 1 and the fact that you’re saving him an extra trip to the well will be appreciated.

One more thing, if you order a round of shots, always ask the bartender if he/she wants one. A little consideration goes a long way. 

Women have very keen social senses and are fully aware of who knows who. Plus, don’t be surprised if you get a free drink every now and again as well. 

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Here are some more articles from around the web that will improve your game.

 The Asian Rake is just an incredible fount of wisdom. Here is an awesome article on projecting a sexual vibe so you don’t get stuck in the “friend zone”. 

Sarge Nation links this article from The Reality Method. It’s a pretty entertaining pump-up article that I enjoyed reading.

Finally, the boys at Grow Your Game give us this article that reinforces the power of positive thinking.

Read and enjoy!

 
Mark Redman from The Truth About College Game just completed his book.

 If you’re in college or simply want to date college girls then it is a must read.

 Here is an interview I did with Mark and Christian Hudson after reading a near-completed draft of the book. The link also shows you where you can pick up a copy.

We all know that guys face anxiety when approaching a girl, or approach anxiety.

I’ve spent some past posts on techniques on getting rid of it but just in case you need a bit extra, I want to throw some good old fashioned logic into the mix to give one more tool to further fight AA.

 You see a chick that you want to talk to and you have the choice to approach her or not.

If you approach her, 1 of 2 things can happen, either she blows you off or she actually  engages you in conversation. Now because she’s probably a polite person she’s probably not going to just blow you off. But let’s focus on the worst case scenario here. Worst case, she gives you a funny look like “why the hell are you talking to me”, and just to make it as bad as possible, let’s say she makes fun of you and calls you a loser and indicates you have a tiny penis as well.

As I mentioned before this probably won’t happen but let’s say it does. First off, if you have the right mindset going in as I illustrated in my previous post, who cares. You were just trying to be friendly and she’s the social reject who’s losing value for being such a crazy biaotch. You can always respond with a “is that really how you treat people… remind me not to bring my puppy around you” and the best part is that you’d be completely right.

Now let’s look at your other option. You don’t approach. The result, you’d just never know. You just missed the chance to give yourself a little practice, and potentially meet someone who you really clicked with. You also feed into that self-doubt cycle and thus made it more difficult to approach the next time. You’re suck with that “what if” thought that no one likes.

So here’s the point. Even if  you’ve run into that .1% chance where this worst case scenario actually happens, it’s still better than if you never approached in the first place. No matter what the outcome, playing the game is better than not playing at all.

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You read the title correctly; it wasn’t a typo. And believe it or not, this post is actually about meeting women.

Think about your mindset when you go out. If you ever think to yourself, “There’s a 2 set. A hb9 and an hb7. I’m going to open with the jealous girlfriend opener, then neg the hb9, dhv, wait for ioi’s and then proceed with kino escalation”, then first off, are you a real person? Second of all, you’re hurting your chances of meeting beautiful women.  

Think about it for a second. Everyone out at the bar is just trying to have a good time, release some stress from the day or week, and maybe meet some cool people. You’re the guy trying to take advantage of this situation for your own exclusive benefit. Maybe you do get some hotties interested in you. Maybe you get their number, make out with them, or even take them home with you. You’re still that same guy, and there’s a good chance that continuing a fun relationship with this girl is a bit harder once you run out of techniques. 

The mindset you should be having is: “This is the best night of my life, I love the company of the people I’m with and I’m excited to meet new, interesting people so all of our lives can be enhanced.”

Let’s make a quick comparison and then we’ll talk more about exactly what I mean. Let’s say your goal for the night is to pick up women and you go to talk to a girl and she shoots you down… it happens. Then what’s the outcome? You just failed. Your value is lower, hers is higher. Now let’s pretend that your goal is to have a great time and be incredibly social. You go up to talk to that same girl, and she shoots you down again. Now what’s the outcome? You were just trying to make a new friend. She’s the anti-social weirdo, your value higher, hers lower.

When you go out with the mindset that you’re just having a great time and wanting to help everyone around you have the best time possible as well, then tons of amazing things start to happen. You’re the center of attention, every girls’ eyes will be on you wondering how they don’t know the person everyone else knows.

You’ll also meet some amazing people. Now because you made these people’s lives a bit better, they’re going to be excited to see you. The next time you run into them, they’ll get a big smile on their face and shake your hand or give you a hug… and maybe introduce you to their cute roommate who they brought out with you. Even if she couldn’t come out to play that night, other people will see this. These will be the new people whose nights you will make better by getting to know them. By the way, some of these people will be beautiful women, that’s just how the numbers work.

Keep this in mind: people are very intuitive. When someone talks to you, you know almost immediately if they’re out to get something from you or if they’re just a good person showing some love. People will get that same vibe off of you, and if you’re just out speading some positive energy they will be very thankful for it.

Now think about where you are. Instead of being that guy with his friend walking up to groups of women trying to get something from them, you’re the guy everyone knows, the one who everyone loves having around. If you were a woman who would you rather sleep with?

Don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a benefit to using what you’ve learned from Neil Strauss, Mystery, and David DeAngelo. Those guys have taught me very valuable lessons. The point here is how you’re using what they’re teaching you. It’s that mindset that can make or break your success in the short term, but more-so in the long term.

You can apply this strategy to every part of game. Take phone game for example: When you’re calling a girl that you met out at the bar recently, you’re hurting yourself if you’re thinking, “my goal here is to bring her back to the fun conversation we had last night, and from there I will work to build more comfort before soliciting a second meeting with here”.

You’re much better off with the mindset of: “I had a great  time talking to this person last night and she obviously felt the same way or she wouldn’t have given me her number. I’m going to give her a call so we can both enjoy each other’s company again.” Now once again, it’s good to use some of the lessons you’ve already learned. Simply saying, “Hi, this is Nick from the bar last night. You probably don’t remember me but I wanted to maybe get together with you”, probably isn’t going to get you the results you want for either mindset, but the mindset here still matters.

 Remember, there a tons of amazing people out there, not because you need targets, but because they’re trying to enhance their lives. If you help them achieve this you will be universally loved. If not… well, at least you can get a kiss close here and there. 


So here’s a problem that arises from time to time. Your buddy’s dating some hottie. Now because you’ve always acted in a fun way around here and could be comfortably playful without hitting on her… because she’s you friend’s girl… she becomes attracted to you and starts to flirt with you.

Of course you like it and of course you’re attracted to her too. That’s what happens when you’ve got a hot girl flirting with you… especially one that you can’t have.
 
So what do you do. We know what you want to do, you want to wait until you have an opportunity where it’s just you and her, some alcohol is involved, judgement gets skewed, and you end up ripping each others’ clothes off when the passion takes over and no one will ever know.
 
Like I said, we know what you want to do… but the question is what you should do.
 
 You may not expect me to say this, but sometimes you should fuck her. I know… awesome. But the thing is, you always have to put your friend’s feelings first; kind of like having a baby.

The simplest way of accomplishing this is to talk to him. Say very bluntly, “I’m attracted to X she flirts with me… I kinda want to fuck her. What would you be cool with me doing?” Get down into the nitty gritty here. Maybe he doesn’t care if you make out with her but doesn’t want you getting a beejer. Maybe he’s cool with you getting head but doesn’t want you fucking her. Maybe he wants her to be cool with him seeing other people, so he’ll encourage you to fuck here. Maybe he actually has feelings for her and wouldn’t be cool with you doing anything. Whatever he says, stick to it.
 
The most important thing here is that your friend is more important than any passionate night. There’s a million girls out there. Plus, you should always be good to your friends anyway, a man who is respected by other men gets more women. 

The same rule holds with ex gfs. Talk to him. There’s usually one or two girls in a mans’ life who he would be devastated by if a friend fucked her. I have mine. Stay as far away from that one as possible.

Basic rule of thumb: Don’t be that guy. No-one likes him. You may have one amazing night with a girl, but in the process you’ll lose/damage a friendship and lower your value to every woman who finds out. 
 
Now if your buddy’s cool with it… 

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