I’m in Borders just minding my own business when I lock eyes with a hot redhead who’s talking to her friend. I considered just walking away but anyone who knows me knows that’s just not a possibility. I give her the old “I know you from somewhere” look with a curious smile and she returns it. It’s on.
I go up to her and suddenly apologize and say that she’s not who I thought she was although she looks just like my friend. She responds that it must be the good looks and I tease her and tell her that my friend is very modest as well. The three of us chat for a couple more minutes and I excuse myself to let them continue their conversation.
I grab a Men’s Health and sit in the coffee shop reading it. A few minutes later I get up to find her now that her convo’s over and guess who’s sitting at a table reading a book. Too easy. I sit down at her table and she looks up and gets a big smile on her face. I accuse her of stalking me and we chat for a few minutes before grabbing some coffee. The conversation turns to local happy hours so I say, “This is crazy but a drink sounds really good right now”. Now, mind you it’s 2 in the afternoon but that only adds to the excitement. She agrees and we stroll around the corner for a beer.
As we’re enjoying our Dragon’s Milk (excellent microbrew she recommended) and some sexually charged conversation as always, it pops up that she has a boyf. We muck around that and I bring up my study of human psychology and more specifically why women cheat.
If you’ve never read Matt Ridley’s book The Red Queen then order a copy on amazon right now.
There’s so much on male-female psychology in there that women find irresistible. One part talks about how women want both lovers and providers. A strong lover who will give her an amazing offspring with good genes and a provider to help raise that child. This is why women often cheat on their nice secure guy with a strong alpha-male.
As I was telling her this her eyes lit up like the bat-signal. Shit, even if a girl doesn’t have a boyf this story still makes you look intelligent and automatically sets you up as the lover that she doesn’t want a relationship with but wants to fuck like crazy. Remember, even if you do want a relationship starting as a lover is the best way to go… but that’s for another post.
She started talking about how she’s cheated on him and is always attracted to other men and how she caught him emailing a hooker. I told you this stuff was magic. She also talked about how guilty she always felt which made me remind her that she should never feel guilty for natural feelings that everyone felt. All of a sudden I was her zen mentor.
So after 2 beers and a car bomb we’re ready to leave- she has to meet the boyf for dinner- and our waitress is nowhere to be seen. Now, what followed I don’t condone in the least, especially as a former bartender. However, as minutes passed without service the thought crept into our heads to make our way out the door. Neither of us had ever done it before and as I mentioned, I don’t condone it whatsoever. So we calmly put on our coats and made our way out.
As soon as we leave we sprint down the block, dodging people on our way. Jesus it was exciting. After we round the corner and make sure no one’s following us, we look as each other to make sure that we both just did that, and then started making out right there on the street. Adrenaline may be the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world.
After one of the hottest/most random makeouts I can remember, we exchange numbers and go our separate ways.
She actually just texted me a couple minutes ago… and she’s coming to my wine and cheese pre-party this Saturday… and bringing a friend. Did I mention I love my life?